01
Nov
16

The Five Kinds of Trump Voter

I am not involved in the Hillary Clinton campaign.  I did not donate to her election fund nor did I vote for her in the primaries.  That said, I will be voting for her next week because as conservative pundit Andrew Sullivan succinctly stated, “it is the only adult thing to do.”  If you believe Donald Trump would run the country better than Hillary Clinton (who just happens to be, in terms of resume, the most qualified person to ever seek the American presidency) at least one of the following things must be true:

1. You are grossly uninformed – Have you not been paying attention at all over the past two years? Have you not heard the things Trump has said and the positions he has taken on the most important issues of our time? Has it not been revealed to you that his “business success,” upon which he bases his qualifications, is an exaggeration of monumental proportions? Have you not heard him try to speak in public? Have you not seen him having trouble completing a coherent sentence? Is your scoreboard broken? Sure, Hillary used a personal email server during her time as Secretary of State, but have you not read or heard about the sleazy dirtball shit that Trump has done for decades? Are you not at all curious as to why he won’t release his tax returns?

Rather than doing the “hard work” that comes with acquiring knowledge to make an informed decision, you have clearly bought into the fallacy of false equivalence being sold by the Trump campaign.  You are a testament to the effectiveness of propaganda on the low information voter.

2. You are a sexist pig – No matter how much more qualified a woman is than her male opponent, she’s still a woman. You demand perfection from Clinton simply because she doesn’t have a penis, but the totality of Trump’s fuckery can simply be written off as part of the game. If this is you, take your bullshit worldview and your suppressed homosexual tendencies, back to the Stone Age.

3. You are an idiot – You have watched too much “reality” television and have degraded your intelligence to the point that you can’t appreciate the significance of this contest (this isn’t to see who will be voted off the island or who gets the girl.) Your ignorance and lack of cognitive reasoning ability combined with your apathy, is a civic nightmare. Your involvement in any part of the political process makes a case for requiring citizens to pass a civics exam before entering a voting booth. If you had any sense at all you would abstain from the entire process on the grounds that you are incapable of rendering a sound decision, but that would require thoughtfulness… And as I stated, you are an idiot.

4. You vote Republican no matter what – You are “all in” with the GOP. Despite the party’s descent into oblivion, you are “ride or die.” In almost any other scenario I can think of, I could appreciate that for what it’s worth. Not here though… This is one time you should be thinking for yourself. Unfortunately, many of you have forgotten how to do so.

5. You are just like Donald Trump – You are Biff from “Back to the Future.” You were a bad motherfucker in high school only to find out that the nerds you used to beat up are the ones who end up running the show. The only difference between you and Trump is that you didn’t inherit a ton of money from your Dad. Instead, you took a job in some factory only to see it disappear when the rich guys who own the company (who you still admire for some reason,) set up shop in another country where the labor force is much cheaper (and much darker) than you. You are understandably bitter but for some reason, you blame your replacements instead of those who did the replacing. You were already a bit of a bigot, but the idea that your job could be so easily replaced by an “inherently inferior” person in a foreign country for far less money, further erodes any self-esteem that may have remained from your “glory days” at the top of the food chain in the schoolyard. This makes you even angrier. You’ve never had to start over and learn a new skill set. Your way of life has never required that kind of effort. Now here comes Trump and you see yourself in him. He knows who is to blame. He will restore the natural order of things. He doesn’t exactly say how, but it doesn’t matter. You have turned into such an insecure ball of rage that you can’t even recognize that he’s one of the assholes that closed your factory and sent your job away… To you I say, good luck with that!

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